Posted in LIFESTYLE

SPEND CHRISTMAS ALONE AND ENJOY IT.

Fine….I cant wait until January for sure!! I missed my space, I missed writing. This is the only way i actually can let go of both the good, bad and almost worst energies i have bottled up inside.

Its been actually an interesting year.Funny enough 80% of my friends have had quite an year. From heartbreaks, to weddings, to funerals, to new jobs, travelling around the world, to moving out (Psst!!! I moved out) . And I’m really happy all of us have a story to tell. At least i ain’t growing alone. 

The holidays are here. If there is one thing i am not lucky about, is that i don’t have parents nor grandparents to visit and since i am not married, i don’t have in laws to go annoy. My partner is somewhere in Africa,working.Goodness!! and the friends i’d want to spend the holidays with, are already parking ready to go to ushago or are already there…’Heeeyy Cookie…’ or some of them will be working…So…Literally I’m spending Christmas alone maybe…I guess….But Heeeeyyy!!! Its not such a bad thing…Right???

Who am i kidding!!! Its Pathetic!!! Its okay though…. 

Whoever said, “You never know what you got till is gone,”  I feel you aki.

Where am i headed with all this ranting….

Here are ways to spend Christmas alone, and enjoy it….

  1. Don’t allow your thoughts or feelings to define your days.– You can’t control what you think or feel, but you have control of your choices and actions, so make it great! I honestly don’t think anyone enjoys being alone over this time but,remember that you deserve just as much festivity alone as you would with others. Don’t cheat yourself by thinking you deserve less because you’re alone! Love yourself honey, to the moon and back, and to the moon again and back.
  2. Do something you used to enjoy as a kid – As for me on Christmas Eve, i enjoyed going to church to watch all those plays and skits and i used to find humor whenever a kid missed or forgot their lines. Gets to me to date. Later after midnight, id enjoy mom’s cake that she used to bake using a jiko.(We were poor then haha)… When i grew a little bit older, I’d sit at home the entire night and watch Christmas movies till dawn. These emotional stuff though….And when i grew more older older (Yaani after nmekua kua) Clubbing was life on Christmas Eve….But then… Its not as exciting as such when the entire crew are in different places of the world….
  3. Be kind to someone – Kindness can be one of the most fulfilling things ever, whether it’s volunteering at a children’s home or cleaning out closets and donating to those in need. It’s a win-win; you help people in need AND create new space in your life to grow. Kindness is also proven to give your happiness and well-being a healthy boost. I just might try this out this year. 
  4. Travel Solo -This should be on top of my list. I’m the kind of person who would do anything to go out of town.Ask the people who know me haha. I don”t mind travelling alone,i enjoy my company too much.I usually find myself telling myself jokes and laughing to them….Yessss I’m funny like that. This though, Here in Kenya, if you don’t plan your travels before the festive season, you in for a rude shock.Flights, train, buses are fully booked until New Years, and if you lucky enough to get space, prices are exaggerated and most definitely the hotels are fully booked. But for me, id choose this over any other iv’e mentioned.
  5. Treat yourself to something special -Go shopping. This is one of my favorite hobbies, any day, any time….Helps me clear my mind. Have movie date. Going to see a movie or show alone can be a fun experience. Pick something that you really want to see.
  6. Read a book -Setting aside long periods of time to read can help you get around to finishing that book you’ve been wanting to read and feel accomplished

The list is endless. I just don’t want to restrain myself from enjoying myself this holiday. I never live on regrets. …  If you got any more ideas on how I should spend Christmas, hit on the comment section….

Happy Holiday from me!!

Too much love….

Until next time,

T.

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Posted in LIFESTYLE

Time Out.

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This year should end already. The dark cloud on my head, is just starting to pass. Finally!! I can learn to breath again.

Mother went to be with the angels. She really did fight. I still dont want to accept reality. Whichever time it will hit me, i will deal with it. For now, let me just move on with life. I will see her during the holidays i guess. Or maybe not. All i am trying to say is that we cannot rush the healing process.

So, some good news, my blog just got featured “The Fat Girl Next Door Blog in Feedspot Top 200 Plus Size Fashion Blogs”…https://blog.feedspot.com/plus_size_fashion_blogs/ . Go check it out especially for fashion bloggers. I am very grateful for this.

I have taken a bit of a break from blogging until December when i shall be doing my end of year project. Miss me hehehe. Though if you would like to feature in my blog, feel free to send your articles on my email.

To those who take time to read my blogs, and those who have subscribed and shared almost all of my articles, to those who have contributed, to the best photographers; Vladiq and Kim ,Thank you very much.

Till next time….

Love T.

Posted in MY JOURNALS

MY JOURNAL.

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Dear Diary,
For a second I thought 2018 was gon be that year you know, the year that I finally get a breakthrough from finances, to true friendship, to stabilizing my relationship, have a good connection with family, stay healthy and fit, then Booom!!!

Everything is going pretty well haaa!! It actually is my year.

So easy to mention all these things, so people think it has been too easy for me. They think I have changed. They see I have changed. And they are right! Yes, I have changed. Because I have learned. And I’m growing old.
I know Cate will be going through this and be like, “Tf, b** we said there is no growing old!” We hide in this statement to avoid facing reality, but Heeyy Mf, WE ARE GROWING OLD!!! (I still don’t get why she never calls me by my name. It’s always b***, Whore, Motherf**r….)

We only got 17 Wednesdays to Christmas. Yeah, the year is coming to an end. What I have experienced this year…. My God!!! Trust me, if anything is thrown at me, I am not scared anymore. I have seen and felt it all.

I’m still not sure if I have to air out my life to people, but how am I supposed to help someone who is going through a tough time not to give up. I’d rather share this with a stranger anyway, than ‘friends’ I know who would hold a meeting just to discuss me. Here goes stranger….

So in 2018, my mother had a heart attack and the very many times we have seen her giving up, it ain’t funny. But she’s alive. Not the same person anymore, but she is still alive. I almost lost a family member in a car crush but she is alive. If this is not God, honestly I don’t know what it is. This dark cloud that descended on us, wasn’t a joke. Is God!!

I finally got over my addiction to someone, someone who as much as it was all fun, love and good, the relationship drained all my happiness and peace of mind. Yes, I have moved on. It has taken me years!
I have let go of a 5 yr old toxic relationship that almost got me to depression. And what I have learned is that letting go of such friendships/ relationships, is okay especially when you realize you are not happy, not at peace. Fuck what other people will say or think. Once in a while it is okay to be selfish and put yourself first. As long as you happy. Even if it means being happy alone.

The friendships I once held up high, I cut all of them. I now don’t have to lend people money I know will never be returned. I don’t have to attend parties, gatherings just to please them… I don’t have to pretend I love them, when I actually can’t stand them. Hahaha I’m gon loose some more after they read this. Who cares anyway, they few remaining, I know they’d catch a grenade for me, and I would too without thinking twice.

My family, this was one hell of a battle. My big sister and I are now bffs, knowing there are days I couldn’t even stand her breathing. Look at us now, building our empire. We have gotten so close with my sisters and brothers, we have got to know more about each other and every time we meet, we know Jesus is among us. Beautiful!!
Daddy, I know you proud of us.

I’m learning to save for the future. I can easily balance between work and play. Something I couldn’t do before. If I tell you all the money I worked for ended in partying and clothes, you wouldn’t believe it. But I came to learn that everything has its own time. I know I sound like a motivational speaker right now. But when reality hits you, you will understand what I am talking about.

Watch this pace, 2019, is going to be bigger and better for us. Us, meaning my family, my 3,4,5 friends and my Love.

Speaking of Love, those people who have met the love of your lives, you all know when you meet the one. The right one, the one you are ready to go through hell and heaven with. Yeah, I found the love for me. A few of you who know me will laugh at this… People change guys!

My connection with God is on another level. He loves me, this I know. Despite the sinner I am, He loves me.

I am grateful for 2018; this is one year that has changed my life completely. I am not the same person I was in 2017. I am happy and so proud of myself, for being a better person. I finally found me.

Waiting eagerly for my new year.
Till next time…
Love,
T.

Posted in LIFESTYLE

ANNOYING CLUBBING HABITS

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“One for the party, Two for the, two for the money Three for the, three for the honey Four for the, four when you shake your bum bum bum bum …See, see me I like to party…”
This one I’m not even going to beat around the bush.
1. Stalkers
It’s a girl’s night out. We have dressed to kill. The squad doesn’t disappoint. Then there is this old baba and most of them are always in some blue faded jeans, brown checked or stripped coats, a ka kitambi and always has a brown bottle on one hand. Him and his confidence decide to just pop in the group and stands just behind you for you to rub his ball…Dudeee!!! If any of the girl’s would be interested in you, they’d make a move. Take a chill pill Mr.Sir.
2. The Emotional Train Wreck
‘A drunken mind is a sober heart’. It is not wrong to open up when you drunk coz maybe that is always the best opportunity you will get to tell a person in your circle how much you have been crushing on them, time o confess all your wrongs, or just the best time to remind your person how much you in love with them or even the best time to confront your competitor…Women drama though. But don’t open up then start crying over petty things and starting to break bottles and shouting because you think the circle really don’t take what you say seriously. You want drama? I’m sure there are very many audition calls every week on newspapers looking for people like you. Talent search right there.
3. The ‘Buy me a drink’ ladies
If you know Nairobi too well, there are these very affordable pubs just near Bus Station. Tufununu tunasema there is this group of girls who chill at these places from around 3pm. Just to hunt or rather spot people who tend to buy expensive liquor and cigarettes. All they need is to mark where you have sat and after every 30 minutes to an hour they pop up and be like,’nionjeshe shot’ or ‘nishikie kamoja’…Stop right there!!! First, I came here to hide away from the world either coz either I’m broke, I have had a long day, or I’m passing time as I wait for traffic to clear up. How sure are you that the cash I have will be able to sort out your one bottle… To make matters worse, we have never met; I didn’t even know if you existed until that moment. Not judging, but, get your sh** together love.
Then those in clubs, those ladies and men, especially ladies, who eneyewe God took time to create. You really dig their vibes then you ask for a dance and Boom!! ‘Buy me a drink first’. You know what, I’m done with you. I just can’t. Bye.
4. WWE!!
Why do we fight in clubs??Honestly, why do you have to spoil that mood just because you have anger management issues? Love, you could have stayed home, watch the WWE re-run and practice that with your pillow or something. We are adults, if something bothers you or pushes you to that extent, walk away. Or confront the other person. Always be the bigger person. You find almost everyone in clubs. People walk with guns, knives name it. Be careful.
5. The Drunkards
Good Lord!! We all know our limits. Why would you drink excessively to an extent you can’t walk straight, your vomit has decorated the floor of the club. (Sawa wewe interior designer). So he whole squad has to take care of your drunkard ass making us not have fun. May that demon for alcohol depart from you. Drink responsibly.
6. The Hustlers.
And by hustlers, I mean the thieves, pick pockets. There is this time; they stole my bag, and everything in it. Plus my coat. I hope it fitted you though. SMH. This is just wrong. You have no idea how people work too hard just to afford what they got and because you lazy and want the easy way out of life, you have to destroy someone’s night. God is seeing you.
7. People who use phones
I find this as the most annoying one. I mean, why did I waste my time to shower, dress, do make up, yet I have a million and one series to catch up on, a fridge full of food , my dog and a warm blanket to come and watch you use your phone. Disrespect of the highest order!!! Don’t forget, I have a phone too. Respect the time people create just to hang out with you. Time is money.
The list is endless…. Comment on any other habits that annoy you when clubbing.

Till next time…
Love T.

Posted in Love matters

Fantasy Memoir By Tecla

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To Papi,
I like this pen a lot. It fails me sometimes, you see. Just like you or just like most lovers. Since you are all I think about and I cannot tell you all about it-since we cannot make it public-I hope this does. You’re in London, texting a new girl (that is what my disillusioned mind tells me for the most part). Lemmie guess, the girl has subtle signs of looking like me and hopefully for you (and God forbid for me) replacing me… But we both know why ebony porn always hits the spot for you nowadays; You being all into dark tones of late, a rather peculiarly distinct memoir of what used to be me, your little girl, with that black booty that you liked so much- this writings can’t bring you back, but my emotions have to mean something, at least to me- primarily.
Why does someone as corny and weird as you always seem to check all of my boxes of ‘what I want in a man’ while adding so much more as well! I remember you said that I will never be able to scratch the itch of you off me. At first I thought it was weird- sounds so herpes-ish, you know. Wait, I hope you do not have herpes because that would spoil the fantasy of you know- what I am trying to create. God! I am getting carried away, am I not?
Okay I always get carried away when I write but I have something that must end up in paper.
Remember the beach I told you about, called Eden, after the Garden of Eden, courtesy of its exquisite beauty- the green mangroves shining in a round cluster, slowly paving way for the clear white coastal sands that only Kenya can brag about? The little Eden Island surrounded by the deep blue ocean waters and the big blue clear sky? I just realized we’d have trouble making love there, the water kinda having sea weed. I imagine you clicking and your face dropping with disappointment, while saying, ‘well that’s a bummer!’
Regardless, I thought of us in little Eden, brought up by a boat, burning with the smell of old wood, feet, white from sea dust combined with a divine finger fuck, ‘that g spot arousing finger fuck’, one finger in, one finger on my clit, one finger in my G – Spot, one finger in my ass- and you would wallow and enjoy my unique gestures of submission and arousal.. As your fingers got wet, not from the sea, but from my little sea- the irony is the fisherman rowing the boat would sing a coastal hymn in oblivion of the consent of a moment of passion right behind him. Am I not yours daddy? Does Papi not know his little girl well… I imagine looking at you intently and keenly, and it hitting me, daddy can tell the intensity of my orgasm from my poker face… Can’t he?
You’d probably get impatient to fuck me, seeing me all ready and my little pussy, as you always called it, wet for its owner, ready to please him. Then you’d get lost in the beauty of Eden and the dark beauty right at your sight… You’d lust over me, look at me keenly with lust filled eyes, then you’d give me a cheeky smile, that I only see when I get in trouble, rub your hands all over my bare naked thighs, lie over me much to the discomfort of the poor fisherman, then call me baby. I’d know I’m home. I know you’d know too.
The poor fisherman who doubles as a tour guide, would be caught up in the’ immorality that is associated with interracial relationships’ would subtly warn us of the calamity of people who fuck there. They always birth to twins. I don’t know why he considers twins to be a calamity.. There a lot of things I don’t know. Like why daddy does not listen when it comes to getting pleasure from his sub…. Daddy looks at the poor guy intently and says, ‘we’ll see what we’ll get.’
I love daddy! God! I love him. It’s not a love I reminisce about in pure disgust, but a bond I remember as one filled with trust, truth and total liberation. The only promise you broke was the ‘I’d never block you,’ but you had to didn’t you? Maybe it’s because I broke mine, ‘I am always going to be your baby’ promise when I said I was done with you, which you knew, truth to God, burn in hell for lying, that I was stubborn enough to never let you go. Maybe you broke my heart. Maybe I broke yours? What else do lovers do dear?
My fantasy today is not quite as sensual or pervasive as would your liking. Maybe I wished you’d ask me to marry you in that same spot, wallowing in sweat, probably from the coastal heat, probably from the affairs of the heart. You try not to show it though! You know what power does to my head-when I have it-I get pleasure from misusing it- but when I give it to you, climaxes happen, very literally and very metaphorically. Why do I sound as vain as you are daddy?
Maybe daddy would ask later, later when I have you in my arms, telling you about the pain I am have in my leg.
I have this eternal like feeling of pain in my leg- a severe muscle cramp..I know daddy would put the leg above his hip, his big white cock hanging on the sheets, a shallow tempting distance between me and the hole it’s supposed to fill. I know I’d be low key horny. He’d be very horny, alright and his dominating self would somehow convince me that his dick had healing powers. Maybe, just maybe, I’d let it slip in.. Right there in a perfect spoon.. Cheek to cheek, tongue to tongue, body to body, feeling your warmth and your British accent trying to steal words from my mouth in that perfect spooning position.
Dude, you are driving me insane, a thought interrupts my fantasy… Then I’d feel him in the depths of my little pussy as he calls it.. He’d grab my boobs with as much tenacity and ownership, coz I’m his.. Remember? I am his baby, his girl, his little slut, his little bitch with an attitude (and a bond with his member.) I’d feel him mourn in ecstasy. Him cumming makes me cum. Me cumming makes him cum so we fuck each other with all that we got, bodies rubbing against each other, screams, ecstasy and delusions. He’d say ‘fuck! I love you.. Will you please daddy by loving him back…
By marrying him?’ I kiss him hard, rolling my tongue in his mouth, rubbing my hand on his cock which still had some of his thick white load spilled on. It gets hard on me. Fuck that makes me wet, we get on it again.. He fucks me hard, then harder, then slightly harder, I feel him chocking me. I am happily running out air as I push my front to meet his.. ‘did baby forget to tell daddy something?’ daddy asks.. Baby is quiet. Daddy bangs baby. Turns her upside down. Face down on her pillow.. Ass up.
My favorite thing about daddy is the fact that he knows when to withhold pleasure to get what you want… How else can you convince a baby as stubborn as I am? So he pulls out his cock and puts his finger in me.. The middle finger and touches that spot. I scream for dear life.. I can’t take it anymore..I tell him to stop.. Daddy tells me that he does not stop.. So what do I do, I cum I squat, I cry, then I cum again and say, daddy I am yours. He goes on, I can’t take it anymore and at the peak of my climax, I say it..Daddy I love you, I fucking love you.. Fuck I love you,, then a bunch of gibberish after that. In the aftermath of the mess, I turn around. I look at him. He looks me deep in my hazel eyes. He says, let’s get married baby.
I do not know if I’d actually go through with the promise, I don’t know if I’d say yes, but I’d die to exchange vows to that British accent that I know all too clearly. You know it has that effect on me. I’m still not as vain as you daddy. Okay. Maybe a little. Okay. Fuck this shit. Apologies for cursing. And the apologies. Fuck the whole world then.
I’d probably show up in a hueish pink dress to highlight my dark complexion that you never get enough of in front of five of my friends and family. We’d disappear into the hotel room soon after creating a scene in the boat, the best way we know how to. The hotel room was a good idea. Someone cum on my dress though. I’d have to drag you into the after party, because what kind of horny guests would we be turning into though?
Papi tell me?
Our little appearance would last three whiskey shots. Drunk you required a total submissive me. May be the compromise is totally worth-just for tonight. Maybe daddy changed his mind. Daddy made love to me. Maybe baby loves daddy. Maybe daddy loves baby. Maybe F met T.
I love him. I do. I hope I get to tell him. I maybe never tell him face to face, do our egos give us air? If they let us, just for a minute or two, if we admit to each other, that we just click, maybe then the gods would align the stars and the either/or relocating promise would be fulfilled or at least discussed.
Ps. I am deeply in love with you. You’d still pay for the relocating ticket. Thank you for making me love again- a love that is ironically made wholer in the fruition of our stupid egos- birthing rejection.
From Baby.

Posted in Love matters

STRANGERS AGAIN.

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There is two parts of being in a relationship. Its either breaking up, or getting married. Have you ever thought of what would happen if you and the love of your life go separate ways?? This part of all relationships scares the hell out of me. This is where I get severe migraines and insomnia for days.
I should probably be a love doctor at this juncture. Lately, I have gotten too busy chasing money which at times is not really worth it if it will make you spend less time with the people who care so much about you. The few people I always talk to, I always tell them, “Money comes, money goes”. So don’t cancel those dates, coz you might never know when the last time you will be to see this people, while you were busy chasing paper…..Anyways…
It’s so pathetic how people would do so much for the people they love then they end up giving up on each other. Sucks!!
Have you ever met someone and for the first time you have lay your eyes on them, all you want is to know more about them, all you want to do is talk to them the whole day and night, and every single time you go on dates, you get butterflies almost making you paralyzed by just a touch or that look…. At that particular time she is your number one priority. You get that feeling, don’t you? This is always the first stage of a relationship; I call it ….The Chase.
Remember when she used to be your unicorn, the girl you never though could exist. It’s sad how it gets to a place where all that fun times, are now one fight after the other.
The honeymoon!! Stage 2. This is where you get the chance to fully express what you really feel about the person. The girl you wanted to be with so badly is finally yours. And suddenly, normalcy kicks in. You already know every detail of each other’s lives, their routine, how she likes her noodles prepared, a million and one pictures of each other and now you got to “….posti insta huwanga kuwakera….” I love this ‘Kwa Ngwaru’ song btw….The normal healthy couple which takes us to the next stage…
The comfortable stage…So the movie nights ,you can’t agree anymore on what to watch, or rather don’t care what should be watched, or what should be cooked for dinner, or who should cook at all. This stage at times comes in after months, or years….Here you are too comfy with each other, and actually it is the most dangerous stage, depending on how you use it. Some use it positively to keep working on their relationships, while others create distance….While others, take each other for granted. You forget dinner nights, cancel work out dates, because, it is not important anymore…You find other things to do…Reason being, life gets in between. No more goodnight kisses, no more calls to check up on how you doing and reminding each other on things like brushing your teeth before bed….
Whether it’s taking each other for granted, or people changing over time, the bottom line is, someone stops trying and feelings aren’t as strong as it was before.

Tolerance. Stage 5. The person you couldn’t live a day without, isn’t special anymore. It hits you by chance and don’t find them as important. It happens gradually. You start tolerating each other. No more vibes. Small, unnecessary arguments… Arguing is one thing but feeling dissatisfied with each other is another thing. You try fixing things but it’s not enough. The relationship isn’t bad, but it’s not enough.
Stage 6. Downhill….
Nothing much is left here. Problems are not solved anymore. What happens to everyone doesn’t even make sense…The end of the line…
The breaking up stage….” I think it’s for the best” You all know this line…. You all back to where it started…
Strangers again.
The point where you all agree to start living your lives away from each other and agree to remain friends until she introduces you to her new bae….The inevitable end and all you remain with are memories.
While you still have the girl of your dreams. The one you love to much. The one worth sleepless nights and endless tears falling on your pillow. Fight. As long as she makes you happy, f**k what people think.
Love grows, and it should grow with you. Together. Sadly this is the circle of life, but maybe we should not give up on the ones we true love, who knows, she may be everything you have ever wanted. Your happily ever after.
-Tee-

Posted in LIFESTYLE

ARROW ROOTS FROM THE RIVERSIDE

Depression

There is no sweeter innocence than utter ignorance of a dominant weakness. I have not written anything in a very long it. Don’t get me wrong, I am very expressive. I knew for days on end, decades really, that ink and paper would are my solace, my martyr, my ultimate form of expression for words, symbols and thoughts that I could never find another being to tell to. I am very philosophical, I hate (read loathe, disgusted by) by shallow, easy thought-out and carelessly scribbled ideas. I am a thinker. I am particular. I dwell on understanding intricate details of complex patterns. I wake up every day to discover an idea worth adventuring. (Ideas are my form of adventures.). However, I have a problem. I want to tell you about it. Come with me, if you are looking to understand the beauty and baggage of a thinker- a female African girl- a sick girl (finally I get the guts to say it.)
I am sick, okay. I am not terminally ill and worried of my time here… I am here to stay. I am not coughing contagiously and persistently. I am not about to shave my head bald for chemo. I would barely get bothered by any of those. Physical strength has never been of much importance to me- speaking nonetheless out of naivety of conditions that devour deserving humans a gift as potent as physical stress. My disorder pinches where it hurts most. My brain. You see its one thing to diagnose me of physical illness but it’s another to diagnose me of mental illness. Goddammit! I am not mad!
Depression and anxiety does not happen to Africans. We are strong, right? Don’t we eat arrowroot and sweet potatoes? Does a person who eats sweet potatoes, from the red, loamy, African soil suffer from depression? I mean… Come on. Depression looks like a disease meant for rich housewives living in an overpriced suburbs of California, looking for reality shows to star on and cat fight in- but here it is; with me- a girl who just wants to think. No pun intended to the Kardashian franchise.
I was diagnosed with high functioning depression earlier last week. They gave me Prozac. I am sick, you know-so they kind of give me medicine. What troubles me is this. The universe gives me a gem-my brain. To be honest with you, all I can do of considerable value to humanity is think. I can’t run. I can’t box. Heck! I don’t wanna do that! I wanna read, I wanna write, and I wanna scribble ideas, fight for ideals that set my heart on fire. It’s a life mission I accepted before I could even choose it.
Depression is a beast. It makes me tremble when I think of something. My first resolution after an idea crosses my mind is to dissolve it, forget about it; it’s not worth it anyway- it sucks before it is even heard in my mind… “Just smoke a cigarette…” a voice in my head says. I obey it religiously. Depression blends paranoia with vocal feels of anxiety, terror- a perpetual nightmare. It’s like a gift that keeps on giving. Every breathe welcomes a sensation more daunting than the previous. “Go on! I got the feeling that the worst is yet to come. Dive into the abyss. You are a constellation of thoughtless. You are having a dialogue about nothingness. Nothingness will win…” It says. I believe. In all fairness to depression, I did not hate the feeling. That was all I felt, really. I just wanted one thing-company in my depression…. That was not hard to find, try Goethe, Nietzsche or Christopher Hitchens. It’s like their genius sprang from a demon (as Goethe says it) that had to be learnt to be tamed. He was right. My demon was depression. I had to learn how to tame it. I had to stand up and seek help. Ask! Try! Cry! When it’s all said and done breathe.
I text my mom. I tell her about it. I am serious. I am telling her, knowing how sarcastic and relentless she can be. She won’t like the message. My mother would probably go in and about ranting about the misery of raising eight kids single handedly in Africa. In poverty only Africa knows. She would tell me to bury my sorrows in Christianity. The Bible heals, I assume she would say. She would probably think my depression is a curse from God because I left a religion that I believe has dehumanized and disenfranchised at least half of the human race_ women. I take the leap of faith. “She has to know!” “She has to know” I mumble.
I text. “Doc says I am depressed. I am on anti-depressants.”
She replies.
“Doc says I have obsessive compulsive disorder. We are in this together.”
I did not know people who eat arrowroots, straight out of a riverbank of a stream flowing from the mighty mountain suffer from depression too.
I think. I believe. I question. Yes… I live in Kenya. I am poor in material things but rich in my mental faculties. I am sick too. Mentally sick. Our greatest treasures are sometimes put through tests to test their real value.
My mom and my brain will conquer.
-E.M.-

Posted in Love matters

UNDERSTANDING THE SIDE CHQ….

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This is gon to be a very long article…

When thinking of a Side Chick, Mistress, the first thought that comes to mind is usually, home wrecker, slut, whore, or some other offensive term to describe this immoral woman who uses her feminine trickery to attract and dominate the attention of a married or an otherwise involved man or woman. That’s the easiest way to justify the actions of these women. Unfortunately, this only describes a small part of this demographic, and at best just ends up being a defense mechanism used by women who fear falling victim to these predators.
To understand the Side Chick, one must first understand what makes a man want to have a woman on the side in the first place. You see, there can be no mistress, without a man that is open to having one. It is your job, as a woman who only desires to be the “Main Chick” or wife, not to get involved with a man/woman who is capable of having a Side Chick.
I’m actually surprised Google has such posts on side chicks. So maybe probably it ain’t such a bad thing after all. I know some of you will go for prayer and fasting after reading this article and ask God “anionekanie” because probably I’m a lost sheep and needs redemption. What you don’t know is that this article is not about me. It’s about you love. Yes you. The one who removes specks in someone’s eye yet you have a log in your own. Leave alone a log, a whole forest.
Though if hell had stages of fire, for example, 2nd floor having less heat than ground floor, then probably these side chicks would have considered not being ‘home wreckers’ like you call them, but the fire burning in hell, is the same, whether you coveted your neighbor’s property, or stole 5 shillings from your mothers purse, honey, you and side chicks are all the same. No sin is bigger or smaller than the other.
Here is my take on side chicks.
“I have never been a side chick before, so how am I to know the good and the bad sides of being one. I’m too cute to be a side chic…” B** please, 100% of you ladies have been side chicks once in your life time, and if you never realized, probably the ex, or the current is really good at his/her game. A few years ago I fell deeply in love with someone I probably thought would be my soul mate. And after the very many months we dated, I knew I wasn’t the only one. So since I knew my ‘co-wife’s’ first name, my ex, decided to save her side chick with her middle name so that whenever she called or texted, I’d never suspect anything…What am I trying to say? Our men/women with side chicks are damn smart, owe unto you if you did not go to psychology class or have a sixth sense.
In another life, I’d choose to be a side chick for better part of my sexually active years. While it may seem horrible since his/her attention is not only on you, it actually really isn’t as bad as you think. You get to have all the good benefits about the relationships while leaving all of the negatives for him and his main chick. Now this is what we call a stress free life. I mean why should my landlord, M-shwari loan, family, stress me out then again have someone else’s grown child give me sleepless nights…Clearly! I’d die before I reach 35.
Being a side chick should boost your ego since the man/woman is willing to risk his marriage or relationship to be with you. Ha-ha!! This is the best part. Boosting your ego, boosts your esteem and with this, my friend, you can conquer the world. Plus have you ever asked yourself why the side chick is always in a man’s life even after his main relationship is over and when he gets to a new relationship, the side is always on his side?? Food for thought!

You never have to deal with the fights and arguments that normally happen in a relationship. Save the drama for your baby momma. Personally, I hate fights coz I don’t know how to defend myself, so I always end up throwing in the towel, so what’s the need of ruining myself that much….Not worth it..
You get to have sex with no strings attached. As long as the side chick doesn’t know what ‘dry spell’ is, then life is good. Before you become a side chick, ensure the man/woman is pretty good in bed to save time and his/her pride. That man should not go out cheating and embarrass her girlfriend.
You don’t ever have to chase him, he comes for you. You all agree, begging someone and hitting on them is the hardest task one has to go through. Give this human the best you got so that he will always come running back to you whether he/she wants it or not. Become his addiction! Become his drug! Works every time.

As much as being a side chick is fun and all, the funny part is that you don’t often realize how badly it f*cks with you until you’ve broken up with the guy/chick. Even if you think you can deal with being a side chick, you will find yourself feeling increasingly depressed about it

The main side chick rule: NEVER EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S PROPERTY! Do not also tell mutual friends about the affair. Friends will pick sides, and because you’re the other woman, they will probably not pick yours.

As I conclude: A woman’s only defense against falling victim to the “Side Chick,” is to be honest with herself about her needs and what she requires to be happy, and those same things in her mate. If you can’t make him happy, don’t waste your time and tears trying. Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself about your deal breakers, and standing up for them. Recognize whether or not your needs are being met, beyond the fairytale of the matching, promise ring, the house, the puppy you all are ‘dying’ to get…Define your true happiness, and require that your mate fulfills it

Until next time, my fabulosity, kills your curiosity!!!

Posted in Love matters

LIFE OF A PLAYER


Photo credits: @_mckym
Does being a player mean you are being unfaithful? What if you are single…are you being unfaithful to yourself…
I wouldn’t really say that people who are in committed relationships don’t really exist. But how well do you know your partners? If you were to rank yourself in the women she/he has in their lives, what number would you fall under? Like I always tell everyone I have ever dated, don’t give it 100% because you might just fall into a pit of no return.The depression pit.The heartbreak pit.The “never loving again pit”…
So to those who don’t do commitments, How do you have the fun you want without the headache of a relationship? How do you keep things drama-free? How do you know if the girl you have fallen in love with is a player?

This is life of a player…
#Rule 1: Don’t fall in love
Players always and forever leave their hearts at the door. If you fall in love with ‘your people’, you will always feel guilty each time you are with someone else. Why carry all this baggage huh! Players never lose sight of their goal; to have the best sexual experience they can. Nothing more, and nothing less.
#Rule 2: Avoid first timers
With all that ‘talent’, they will fall for you after one night. Players are always up front with their intentions and don’t go for the nice ones. They always look for the ones who are looking for the same thing. You don’t want to hurt people out there who seriously want to have a relationship. That’s not being a player; that’s just cold.
#Rule 3: Keep your phone off and Delete all your messages
You cannot risk to have messages pop up from Bangladesh to Timbuktu of your men/women all wanting some love yet you are on another ones arms. If anything, before you get to your baes place, switch off your phone
#Rule 4: Don’t Keep Him/Her Around for Long
This is the most important tip, and the one I honestly wish someone had told me before I went around having fun.It messes you up.You get addicted to a human being…then what???
#Rule no.5: Chill
Don’t rush or force anything. A player always has another option and others should be aware of this too. If it’s not going down the way you want it to with a lady or a guy, don’t force it. You might run into her next week and be able to pick up from where you left off. If you keep texting the girl to see where she’s at, she’ll lose interest quickly. If you chill out and play hard to get, then she’ll be coming back for more.
#Rule no.6: Own your style.
A true player is always looking, smelling and feeling fresh when he is out and about. Always stand out even if you are going to mama mboga. You might never know who end up falling into.
#Rule no.7: Don’t jump into bed with every person you see
HIV/AIDs and STIs are real people. You may be a player but it’s important to be safe. If you have a reputation for sleeping with every human in town, the humans will stop wanting you after a while. You don’t want to die a hot,loney guy/lady…take a break.Surprise them.

Once a player, Always a player!They never change.
Until next time…

Posted in LIFESTYLE

PRETTY BIG BUTTERFLIES

Photographer:@_vladiq


First of all, the most important thing to remember is: If you talk down to yourself about plus size, others will too. Start the morning right: Praise your body every day.
Pretty Big Butterflies is a plus size look book project that was held in 2017 showing the world that plus size ladies are smart gorgeous, glamorous, stylish and can have fun while at it.

I worked with a team of 4 plus size  models including myself and our photographer and it was an amazing experience bring 4 different personalities together  under the street lights of Nairobi. 

Meet the models who are doing extravagant things in our waking life. We are curvy, brainy, beautifully made and deserved nothing less than the best. 

Name: Wilfrida Indra Akello

Occupation: Teacher

Size: 14

Favorite clothe brand: Don’t have any cause I’m more of a pick what I like despite the brand

Inspiration quote: Rock them curves

How would you describe your style: simple and comfortable .

Advice to plus size women: Curves are hot but you need to make sure you look good with them. Learn your unique shape and select styles that flatter your figure best.

What inspires you: My culture, in that, the African culture/tradition embraces thick women and thick women are termed as beautiful.  From that I perceive myself as beautiful.Apart from my culture it’s my family, coming from a family of big bodied individuals really helped me embrace or rather appreciate being a plus size woman.

Social media handle: IG (Frida Indra)

Name:Akinyi Mercyliza

Occupation:Accountant & Finance Analyst

Size:16

Favorite clothe brand: Lacoste,Calvin Klein

Trends you are in love with: I love beauty trends,i follow fashion styles

Inspirational quote: Great self esteem comes from inside and feels hot and wonderful,at the end of the day,we are all trying to feel comfortable in any type of size plus size or not
My style: I choose dress wear anytime. A-line kind of dresses are my number one.My body in a dress reflects a lot of confidence,smile,high standard,authoritative me.

Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak

Advice to plus size women: Tall women want to be shorter,shorter women want to be tall sometimes.Truth is we all have our beauties,imperfections embrace it all.There are things that makes us unique.

What inspires me: Beautiful and smart minds.I want to inspire people,I want someone to look at me and say “because of you,i didnt give up”.I value hope,fulfillment and love

Social media handles..

Facebook’ Mercylizer Mercyliza

IG’ Mercylizer Macilitoh

Name: Ninah Kanyi

Occupation: Accountant

Size: 14

Favorite clothe brand: I am a jack of all trades. I got no favorite brand as long as its neon colors and flaunts my curves,  I’m good to go

Trends you are in love with: Dresses, any day, any time

Inspirational quote to all other plus size out there: why do I have to inspire a big person? Your size, your choice I believe. You are mostly in control of what you are. 

How would you describe your style: Ninalicious what was life without emojis. I love animation and neon colors.

Advice you’d give to plus size women: Do you, be you, love yourself. 

What inspires you: My personal targets. I can be a go getter. 

Social media handles:

Facebook:Ninah Kanyi

Instagram:@ninahkanyi

Name: Christine Olendi
Occupation: Student/ Blogger

Size: 16

Favorite clothe brand: F&F, Anything from Sunshine Boutique

Inspiration quote:   If you struggle with body confidence, you’re not alone, but there’s plenty to be proud of. Our bodies undergo amazing feats of physical engineering every minute of every day that we’re alive. Appreciate the complexities of what’s going on beneath the surface and you’ll be hard-pressed to criticise it!

How would you describe your style: Flashy colors and comfortable

Advice to plus size women:  If you are comfortable with your body, embrace it and be proud of it. If you are not comfortable with it, do something about it. 

What inspires you: Knowing that God created me for a purpose and it is up to me to find that purpose for Him to be proud of me. For I am a new breed, a new kind and I am after my purpose. 

Trends you are in love with: shift dresses. They hide alto

Social media handle:

Facebook: Kristyne Olendi

Instagram: @kristyne_olendiolendi

Until next time, our fabulosity kills your curiosity.